Trust Your Instincts
So...2018 was a very foundational year for me. I didn't hit any crazy follower counts, or make enough money for a month long vacation to Greece, but what I did do was figure out that I need help. WHOA! Anyone and everyone that knows me, knows that I am not one to ask for help. But newsflash, I don't have my life all together, I'm not the greatest mom or wife, and I definitely am not in control of my business. So here I am in personal development land, learning more about myself than I ever have. This entire last year I have wavered back and forth between, I think this is exactly what I'm supposed to be doing and what the hell am I doing?! And it has come down to this: I CAN do this but I need to have confidence in myself and my abilities. Everything has been pointing to my foundation being built on unstable ground. I've been trying to build a business, struggle through motherhood and wifehood without the confidence I need to make the right decisions.
You may not notice anything different about me from the outside. I will still be 5-10 minutes late to everything and I'll still be the same sarcastic loser I have always been. But the change within will have the most lasting effect. The change within is the most important journey I will travel. I will be the same wild mom just quite a bit healthier inside. And the main word that resonated with me at the close of one year and beginning of another, is trust. Trust in myself.
When my sister left the business I was worried that I wouldn't be as funny on my own or as interesting to follow. I was worried I wouldn't be everything we wanted the business to be from the beginning. I felt the weight of it all and thought that by doing more, taking more on and striving to be more I could somehow meet that standard. Well, the truth is, I simply can't. I can't be two people and that's the reality of it. But that's also a really awesome conclusion to come to. Because I can be myself and that's all I need to be. I can be myself as a mom and that's the kind of mom my kids need. I can be myself to you guys in my business and that's exactly what my business needs. I can be everything I am in my marriage and I will be the spouse that I need to be at that time. Are you catching on yet?
Want to know a fun fact? Well I'm going to tell you anyways! I can't even get through this blog post without completely doubting my abilities to write a blog post. Are there even standards that a blog has to meet? I have written this blog and rewritten it about a million times because I don't trust that what I have to say is important enough or that I'm wording it the right way. I need to learn to trust myself, what I write, my business decisions and my decisions in my life in general. I need to commit to decisions I make and surrender myself to them. Like this blog post, I need to trust that what I have to say and put out into the world is important.
I need to learn to surrender the decisions I make and good or bad I will learn from them. I CAN become less indecisive and instead take control of my business, my marriage and my mothering. I CAN stop making the excuse that my life is happening to me and hold on to the fact that I can make my life happen for me. I CAN trust myself because I have value to share and you do to. The more I trust and surrender to my decisions, the more I will learn to have confidence in myself. Because that will truly make all the difference.
So may you set big goals for yourself inside and out, and may you have all the confidence in the world in crushing them! Happy New Year Folks!
Stay Wild, Candace
Photos by Lightchaser Photography NV